I really hope that I don't offend my friend Jacalyn in this post, but for my sanity, I need to say some things. Through no fault of my friend, I am hurt, angry, and overall not in a great mood. I knew that this day was coming for months. One thing that I didn't account for would be my hurt and anger. In 3 days, the estimated due date for the first child I lost while Endrit and I were trying is here. I have been trying to remind myself that I now am pregnant with a healthy child. I will be a mother. But, I should be waiting for labor to start myself. I could have been already a mom to a child outside of heaven and my womb; but I'm not.
No amount of mental preparation could have prepared me for these emotions that I don't want to feel. I want to be happy for a friend. Be her support when she has no one else to talk to. But, it will be a constant reminder that I don't have that baby...or the 3 lost after...or the one lost before. Having it so close to my due date is probably the hardest part.
I will be her support. I will be happy. But not today. Today I grieve.
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