Reasons

Okay.  I have been thinking about all of the things that I have been able to learn while I have been married without having or trying for children.

For one, I found my peeps online that keep me sane.  I love my message board friends that keep me off the ledge and let me vent without making me feel like I was doing everything wrong.  They are just there for me and I am able to be there for them.  I love you ladies.  If I had a child or children now I don't think that I would have met you.

I never would have had the horrid experiences with hormonal birth control and found out the wonders of fertility awareness.  After 2 years of absolute freedom I am thoroughly convinced that there is no other way to limit or space children.  I know more about how my body works than almost any woman I know.  A specific thanks to Shawna for being patient with me and helping me see the light.

I have been able to do research on what I want with children.  How I will be a mother.  How I will approach the joys of motherhood.  There are so many options out there!  I am able to be a scientist about things and it may seem like overkill for some people, but it is who I am; and it is who Endrit is.

Endrit and I have been able to communicate for longer than 9 months what are expectations of each other are in a million different situations.  We have talked about names.  We have talked about not finding out the sex of our children until the birth.  We have talked about what his role will be when I deliver a child.  We talked about almost everything when it comes to childbirth.  I am lucky to have a husband that is willing to talk about these things so we can work out issues before we have a child so that we will know expectations that can be tweaked when they don't work because expectations are already there to begin with.

I have been able to learn about birthing options.  From water births to hypnobabies I have learned what is out there.  From the pros and cons of home births, birthing center births and hospital births I have learned what I would prefer for my experiences.  I have learned what a doula is.  I have researched costs of birthing options.

I have been able to get my degree.  That is more important to me than one might think.  I have been wanting a university degree since I can remember.  It has been my goal in my academic life.  I am excited to know that if anything happened to Endrit I could step in and support my family. All of the things that I do are for my current and future family.  It may not seem like that to the outside world, but to me the things that I do are paramount.

I am not pregnant nor are we trying for a child, but we are able to say that we will be ready when the time comes.  This is good.  There have been lots of cultural differences that have come into play when we talk about things that have needed worked out.  I am grateful that we are being lead by Heavenly Father.  It is like our engagement.  It was long, but I wouldn't have changed anything in the world after how ready I was to get married.  I feel that it is getting to the point that we are ready.  It is a peaceful feeling.